The shower had always provided Rayne a sanctuary. Although she was in a senior dorm, she never felt alone. Under the steamy water, she felt she could release herself. She cried, screamed, and pounded her fist against the wall. At night, she would turn off the lights and stand in the shower thinking, fantasizing dreaming. The monotonous tone of the water and the rhythmic beat upon her back relaxed her as the darkness calmed her. Was this the kind of life she wanted to live? More restless nights thinking about her childhood, more rough fingers? More fear? She couldn’t stand it another night. This madness, sickness even, drove her to the breaking point. She didn’t know how much longer she could live with it. Nearly six years ago, she even tried to kill herself. She remembered that day vividly, the voices in her mind… Stupid whore, no one will ever love you. You are nothing. You are the Devil’s toy… Rayne was crying. Her fist clenched in pain, her heart burned. She leaned against the. Her breasts also seemed more sensitive during that time, in a good way, as she was always moving my hands to them or asking me to fondle them through her clothing. Anything below the waist though was forbidden territory and she would fly into a rage if my hands strayed there.We were caught kissing once by my mom and thankfully my hands were not on her breasts at the time. We were at the side of the house, leaning up against a tree where we thought no one would see us. Mom came around the corner of the house and found us like that, leaning into one another, holding hands, lips locked and tongues exploring. I was sure that life as I knew it was about to end when Mom asked, "Just what do you two think you are doing?"It was Raquel who saved the day when she told mom that she was teaching me how to kiss a girl; giving mom some story about a girl in my school whom I hoped to impress the following year. Mom said she understood - which I didn't understand. Still, she left saying only that.
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